Apple pie cookies

Sorry for the less- than impressive photo, I'm doing baking today, I can't be crafty in more than one way at once!

I made these apple pie cookies half following a recipe which I will post below and they're awesome. They're really moist and actually taste like apple pie (Even if I do say so myself).

This will make 16 cookies which are around 88 calories per serving.

Ingredients:

2 cups oats

1 cup Sultanas

2 eating apples, diced and stewed

1 dsp cinnamon

pinch of sea salt

2 tsp flax seen with 4 tsp water to form an "egg" (Or you could use an egg..)

1/2 cup coconut milk (Or any liquid you like really)

1/4 cup maple syrup.

Method:

• Stew the apples with some water- no added sugar- I mashed mine with a fork once they were soft but if you have a blender that would work much better!
• Preheat the oven to 200 degrees
• Whilst the apples are stewing, combine the flax seed and water to make the egg, leave to one side to thicken.
• Combine all the dry ingredients thoroughly
• Add the syrup, milk and flax egg and mix
• Add the stewed (Mashed/pureed) apples to the mix

I found this to be a bit hopeless initially but chilled the  mix for about 20 minutes to allow the oats to absorb some of the liquid. once it looks a bit more like dough and a bit less like weird porridge it's ready to be cooked!

• Spray the baking sheets with non stick spray or flour/ grease them- this is a sticky mixture I learned my lesson with the banana cookies, there cannot be too much non stickiness.
• I squidged the mixture into a cookie cutter to make the cookie shapes on the tray and to help me make sure that I was using even amounts of mixture, it's too sticky to make into balls and flatten like the banana mix.
• Bake for about 9 minutes at 200 degrees. 

Apple Pie Oatmeal Cookies

Print

Prep time

15 mins

Cook time

12 mins

Total time

27 mins

These soft cookies are very lightly sweetened. If you prefer them sweeter, try adding a little stevia with the dry ingredients.

Author: Susan Voisin, FatFree Vegan Kitchen

Serves: 18

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoons chia seeds or ground flax seeds
• 4 tablespoons warm water
• 2 cup regular or quick oats (use certified gluten-free, if necessary)
• 1/4 cup raisins
• 1 1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice (see Notes)
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt (optional)
• 1 large apple, cored and chopped
• 2 ounces pitted and chopped dates (about 4 medjool dates or 1/4 cup packed chopped dates)
• 1/8 cup water
• 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 375.
2. In a small bowl, combine the chia seeds (or ground flaxseed) with the warm water and set aside until thickened.
3. In a dry blender or food processor, grind one cup of the oats. Pour it into a mixing bowl and add the unground oats, pumpkin pie spice, baking soda, and salt. Stir in the raisins.
4. Place the apple, dates, 1/8 cup water, and apple cider vinegar in the blender. Blend until it’s about the consistency of apple sauce. Pour it into the oat mixture along with the chia “egg” and stir to combine.
5. Drop by rounded tablespoons onto a baking sheet lined with a silicon mat or parchment paper. Flatten each cookie slightly with a fork. Bake for about 12 minutes. Cool on a wire rack before serving.

Notes

Pumpkin pie spice is a combination of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and cloves or allspice, with cinnamon being the main ingredient. You can replace it with 3/4 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1/4 teaspoon each of ginger, nutmeg, and allspice (or a pinch of cloves instead of allspice.

If you omit the raisins, each cookie contains 52 calories. Without salt, each cookie contains 36.2mg sodium.

Nutrition Information

Serving size: 1/18 of recipe Calories: 59 Fat: less than 1g Carbohydrates: 12.3gSugar: 4.9g Sodium: 100.8mg Fiber: 1.7g Protein: 1.4g

Baking gluten free, lactose free, egg free, Vegan cakes with Jenny

Jenny has given me a baking lesson- in cakes I can actually eat! :D
I'm super excited about these and I'll be experimenting with making more- the texture is pretty dense... think malt loaf- but if you want all the cake action and none of the reaction then they're a pretty damn good start!
(Obviously, if they're for a real vegan, leave off the harribo sweets) Jen's top tip is to leave them in the oven until the oven has cooled as otherwise they're "gooey" in the middle which would probably be disconcerting.

I had a lovely time at Jen's eating turkish delight and giving her half my house (I've finally accepted that I'm moving house and realised that I have too much clutter- So, This week I will be getting rid of the unused, unuseful and ill-fitting items from my home. I'll still have more junk than anyone else I know but it might all fit in one van. That's the end objective anyway!)

More baking lessons please!
I will pay you in dresses and craft books!
:D

I had an awesome day and a good catch up which I needed! It's always nice to be able to spend proper time with my friends and family.

New Dietician. New Diet. Mixed feelings

Meal	foods
Breakfast	Lacto free yogurt sprinkled with flax seeds (Berries & maple syrup optional)
Snack	2X corn cakes 1tsp almond butter/ cashew butter
Lunch	Soup with either beans, lentils or peas (low sugar, low sat. fat) 1X apple
Snack	Vegetable sticks/ celery (Hummus optional)
Dinner	Corn tortilla 2X vegi bacon/ 200kcal protein popcorn

Things that are out:

Milk (Lacto free only)

Refined sugar

Carb heavy meals

Things that are in:

Green tea

Corn instead of wheat

Lacto free dairy products

Fibrous vegetables

gut flora boosting supplements

probiotics

multivitamins

The plan:

Inflammation is caused by immune reactions to “leaky gut” wheat and lactose molecules leak more easily as they are small (Goat and sheep dairy products have bigger molecules so can’t leak) cutting these out for a bit should reduce overall reactions, inflammation and immune response and hopefully then give me a chance when my stomach isn’t crazy to figure out what is good and what is not.

Improve my gut flora, overall guy health and fibre intake and cut my sugar intake so that my insulin levels aren’t all spikes and troughs.

eat better & eat cleaner = Feel better

I really like the idea of this, I’m just going to struggle with reducing my sugar intake.

And no more cake!

Hospital. Start again.

So, after the bit where I get told that I still need to lose 1 stone and a half to reach my "optimum healthy weight" (honestly they're never happy). We met with the consultant.

He has decided to discharge me from his care and seek an opinion from addenbrookes.  Which is fine.  I just don't really know what the point if my going in for that appointment was. They could have just sent a letter, no?

I don't really care what we're calling this "digestive issue". I really just need to know two things:

1) how do I manage the pain I am in? as we seem to have concluded that this is how I will feel for the next 50 years of average human lifespan.

2) what can I eat that isn't breakfast cereals?

These two questions never get answered. So I take boxes of ibuprofen and eat coco pops.  And it looks like I will have to do both of these things forever. Or until I get liver failure or die of malnutrition.

I am feeling pretty fed up about it all at the moment.  I cried lots on Tuesday. The lack of support or advice frustrates me. I just need someone to tell me what I can do or try or read.  someone with more understanding of this than me. Because so far 7 years of trying to figure this all out on my own has landed us at ibuprofen and coco pops.
I don't know what I'm doing and I'm sick of being sick.

I am completely on board with the idea of a second opinion.  Especially a second opinion from someone who understands my thyroid condition and my pcos- hormone stuff is addenbrookes speciality- so hopefully they'll be able to offer advice. I just hope that it doesn't take years. Again. To reach the conclusion that they give up and tag someone else in.

Invisible illness awareness week

Sorry for being so quiet...

As you may have guessed, by the usual pattern, I have been quiet because I have done very little.
I have done very little because I've been poorly again.
Which sucks.
Traff suggested that I am more open with people about whats going on with me- after the crazy week as documented- I'm really embarrassed and uncomfortable talking about this stuff so this is my outlet for the time being.
I feel like I'm making a big fuss and stealing everyones attention. "Fuss me! I'm sick!" I hate people knowing I haven't been well. It makes people anxious that they're going to make me ill, and since I don't know why I'm ill I can't really provide any guidance.

I had an MRI on Tuesday at the hospital. Which is progress of a sort and I'm pleased that we will be able to rule out (I am assuming they show nothing) anything really serious. That will be one step closer to a diagnosis and then hopefully finding some way to manage this chaos.

It got off to an interesting start, theres nothing like the question "Do you know if your lung is held in place with clips? And if you do, are they metal?"
Right before entering a magnetic field. Not so reassuring.

Traff insisted on coming with me and booked the day off work, I laughed at him because an MRI is a solitary experience and I warned him he'd be really bored.
However, After having a really fun reaction to one of the drugs they gave me  and spending between 11am and 4pm with my face in the toilet I was really grateful for his support (Laughter) and humour.
It was so bad the MRI nurses let me have my own toilet. and an absorbent mat for the taxi ride home. And an adult nappy "To make me laugh". It did make me laugh. I'd never seen one before.

They were really supportive and humorous too, as was their porter. They certainly made the experience more bearable. I filled out a comments card at the end and they were like "But you don't know about the services we offer- you've only seen our loo!"

I was totally out of action once we got home on Tuesday. I slept through all my studio ghibli DVDs and Traff made me cups of tea and korean dumplings to keep me alive!

I was so dehydrated from shouting at water that on Wednesday I'd lost 5lbs (all water, but still interesting, especially interesting to see the effect of dehydration on the darkness and size of my under eye bags. urgh!).  Dehydration is exhausting and aging.
Queue day 2 in bed watching TV.

Yesterday I managed to go out. mooching round town and for coffee and cake with Tats, Vicky and Kelly at fancy. Which cheered me up greatly.
I think cake is an excellent way to recover from a horrible 2 days.

I'm feeling much better now and I'm off on my adventures. however self pitying this may read as, I'd like to assure you that I am not!
I see if like this:
Either you can be scared that you'll be ill and stop doing everything that you enjoy, feel sorry for yourself and miss out. Or you can write off the rubbish days as unlucky and grab life by the balls when you're feeling fine.

Amitriptyline to control pain? I'll pass, Thanks.

Occasionally I write about medical stuff. Either because I'm frustrated, or annoyed and venting, or because it's something which might be useful to someone else.

In this case I'm aiming for the former, but the latter is a motivator.  This is my personal experience, from my point of view and if it's useful, insightful or interesting, ace. It's not designed to be advisory.

I wasn't going to write about this- I'm not exactly delighted with the outcome and I'm surprised by how badly this "experiment" went. However, I would have felt better if I'd known that my not-so-positive experience is actually pretty "normal", and not me losing my few, remaining marbles.

I'm reasonably open minded in terms of medical stuff. I can be sceptical but I'll still give it a go. I'd still try things out, but perhaps after this I'd ask a few more questions before hand.

The scenario:
I've been having stomach/abdominal pain for years now as a result of my Thyroid becoming under active, kicking my metabolism into what felt like reverse and damaging my stomach in the process. The thyroid is now under control with Levothyroxine and my stomach should now be behaving itself, Physically theres nothing wrong with it (Stomach issues are common with Thyroid conditions- essentially anything autoimmune is a likelihood, so I know I'm lucky that this manifests as "IBS type" symptoms, sickness and pain, not Crones, Diabetes etc) but I'm ill most days now and in pain all the time.

The background thinking-The consultant at the hospital wanted to try something new:
There are journals, published in the last few years which suggest that Amitriptyline can be used to "reset" the nervous system, as if nerves are constantly sending a "pain" signal they can become disrupted and the receptors inflamed/"broken" so your body still perceives a problem, even though it's actually fixed.
Amitriptyline isn't really used as an antidepressant any more as one of it's more unusual side effects (Other than psychosis) is that it affects the nervous system- and therefore stops you recognising pain properly.

The planning:
I read the side effects list through, and although it's huge, it makes for less scary reading than the contraceptive pill. I take medication every day and have not experienced any side effects so I mostly laughed them off.
The hospital warned me that they'd make me "tired". I already experience fatigue so I wasn't delighted by the prospect of feeling more exhausted than usual.
The box had a sticker on it that said "You may not wish to drive when taking this medication" I figured that related to tiredness and decided to be responsible, and give myself plenty of time before going into work to make sure I was really awake.

It turns out that I seem to be very receptive to these kinds of drugs. Nothing could have prepared me for  developing the whole list of side effects on day 1. On day 7 I almost had a head on crash and so gave up taking the tablets, after consulting my GP...I will explain later.

The outcome:
I want to preface this by saying that I believe that my mental health is actually pretty good. I get stressed out or down occasionally but on the whole I'm happy, and level headed. You can see from the sheer volume of things I do usually that I'm pretty motivated and enthusiastic.
Taking these was like a brain transplant. my body was still running at usual speed but my mind was in reverse!

I couldn't concentrate to follow conversations, I'd forget that I'd done things, I'd forget to eat, I lost my keys, I couldn't watch TV because I couldn't work out what was going on in the TV show. I couldn't crochet or craft because I couldn't get my hands to do what I wanted.I was late for everything, I forgot peoples names, It was pretty weird. And a bit scary. I'd find myself unable to deal with "normal" everyday things- I couldn't remember how to use the washing machine, my spacial awareness was bad and I poured boiling water on my foot. I couldn't buckle my own sandals.
When I went paddle boarding I launched the board and went to jump onto it but missed completely and threw myself into the lake.

Writing this now it sounds kind funny.
It was like being really drunk, but without that uninhibited feeling.
It was pretty isolating.

The days felt really long, so even if I'd had a text or a call or seen someone in the morning, by the evening it felt like I hadn't spoken to anyone for a week. I started to get jealous when I saw posts online or friends said they were meeting each other- but I couldn't deal with being with people, because I couldn't follow their conversations or carry out normal things very easily but seeing other people together made me feel lonely. Because the days felt so long, I started to think people were avoiding me (Even though they were doing what they usually do in terms of texts/calls/seeing them). By about day 3 I was pretty convinced that all my friends hated me.
I had a good cry about it on Traff who was throughly alarmed.
On Day 4 I cancelled all my future plans with my friends because I truly believed that they didn't like me or want to see me anyway and I'd somehow forced my unwanted company on them. I told Traff he hated me. He wore his expression of "kicked puppy" and I had no emotional response. Actually he dealt with it all very well.
By Day 5 I'd turned into a complete emotional mess. I probably managed to confuse and upset almost everyone I speak to on a regular basis. My coordination was totally shot and following normal conversations was nigh on impossible. I did an awful lot of nodding and smiling. Day 6 and Day 7 passed in much the same way.
Except on Day 7, on my way to work, I pulled out in front of a car. I was thinking "Brake" but my foot did not hit the brake. It stayed on the accelerator. It was very scary.

I made an appointment with my GP (Who I'm still avoiding, because he keeps telling me how overweight I am and how I should eat less food) I explained what had happened and he just raised his eyebrows and said "The medication is resetting your nervous system- Of course thats going to mean that sometimes signals don't get to the right place".
In fairness, The tablets were issued by the hospital, and perhaps they should have made that a little clearer.
He told me I would have to stop driving.
I asked how long for, and he explained that I'd need to take at least  1 30 microgram tablet every day for it to manage my pain. Possibly forever but at least for 6 months. He explained that as I was on 10 micrograms currently, I'd take that for 4-8 weeks until I'd "Got used" to the side effects, or they'd subsided (Theres no way to know if they will, and it's pretty 50/50) then they up the dose, wait 4-8 weeks for you to learn to live with it and etc etc.
Basically, at best, that mens I wouldn't be able to drive until the new year- so I wouldn't be able to visit my family, or my friends and I'd be reliant on them coming to visit me if I wanted to see them. It would also be a complete fucker for work.
Couple that with all the other side effects (Imagine them 3X worse!) and I said I couldn't do it.
I quit.

I'd rather be in pain and ill than mental, incapable and probably still ill.
The pain I can manage, it just makes me grumpy and sometimes means I have to cancel plans. Being unable to perform simple tasks or drive or do my job or deal with any social situation is a rubbish trade off.

It's not something I'd rule out completely. Maybe with a different drug I wouldn't end up in such a pickle.
But I wouldn't take that again! Even if you paid me lots of money!

So, you'll be pleased to know that I'm more-or-less back to my usual self.
It's taken a while but I'm feeling much better. It's safe to post your pictures of you having a lovely time with other people. It won't make me cry any more.

Thank you and sorry to everyone who's had to deal with me when I've been a raging neurotic nightmare.
I am really grateful for your support, especially the phone calls and texts. They were always timely- you must all be psychic. As soon as I'd got myself into a dark place someone would send me some encouragement. It really helped just knowing that someone had thought of me- it made me challenge my own negative thoughts.


The only up side to the whole experiment is that I had the best 7 nights sleep I've ever had in my whole life!

Pintesting & Milkshakes with Abi

Today I had to go to the hospital for a series of blood tests to check the function of my adrenal glands. This was a bit of a rude start to the day at 8:30am- on arrival I had to be swabbed for MRSA (including the inside of my nose!) which was alarming and then be stabbed full of holes which made me far more awake that I'd have liked, but once they were done I had a reasonable chunk of the day left to do something interesting with.
The ward was interesting at least, as we were there for most of the day it gave us something to discuss- it was the old victorian childrens' ward and had tiled images of different nursery rhymes. I had the bed under goosey gander. It gave us a conversation starter at least and it transpired that Traff thought the nursery Rhyme was "hairy mary quite contrary".
http://www.bedfordhospitalcharity.org.uk/rhymesreasons
We walked back from the hospital as it was a really nice day, and as suggested by the nurse we went and found some iron rich foods for breakfast. I don't think I've eaten a greasy spoon cheese and bacon burger for breakfast since I was an undergraduate student! Delicious!

I was recently introduced to pinterest, so I thought I'd have a go at a few pins- Only using the contents of the craft cupboard so I was a teeny bit limited, and I wasn't really feeling up to heading back out to pick up anything else- so we're very much in cardboard and wool territory.

I tried making a woven bowl using a cardboard frame:

I didn't have any pins I was willing to lose to a craft so I made a hybrid of the pin and a cardboard frame I'd see sold in hobbycraft- I'm sure this could have been improved by being a bit more careful and actually measuring the distsnace between the posts.

And I made a pompom garland:

 The original post suggests wearing it as a scarf, but it's a bit to itchy and lumpy- I've decided to use mine to decorate the headboard.

In the evening I met with Abi as she was in town for some research for work- We had intended to be very grown up and go for coffee, but we ended up going for milkshakes- the ones where they blend sweets with ice cream and milk. :D
Not so classy, but deffo more inkeeping with the weather!

Hospital

Forgive my current lack of creativity and interestingness. Monday was stomach biopsy day.
Today I am achy and headachy, but OK.

I probably couldn't tell you want I did yesterday in any real detail. I had the procedure done under sedation,they use a stronger strain of Diazepam and they give you an local anaesthetic (Which tasted like bananas- after the nurse had explained the procedure and said I could choose to have the anaesthetic she left us to fill in the forms, Jay was like "You should take the anaesthetic- I wish she'd spoken to me first- I'd have made her leave out the banana bit, I know how much you hate them").

 I thought I was pretty OK afterwards and insisted that because it was sunny I could walk 3 miles back to my house.
We stopped off to get a drink in Yates's and I realised I was probably wrong.

Whilst we were waiting about, the nurse offered to fit the cannula in my arm. I'm a bit squeemish about needles and having been "nil by mouth" since the day before I was also really dehydrated. I asked if they could fit it just before (it took them almost 10 minutes to find a vein!) and I said to Jay I was dreading that almost more than the procedure itself. He replied that the worst thing about hospitals is when you're lying down on the bed and there are loads of people just looking down at you. Gee, thanks for making me more anxious- I hadn't even though of that.

After the procedure It  took ages for my hands to get warm, when I came to properly in the hospital two nurses were stood over me looking a bit worried because although my blood pressure was "perfect" my hands and lips had gone  blue.
Cue oxygen. I didn't really get what was going on at the time, but was totally fascinated by the spongy bits on the end of the tube for the oxygen tank.
Being a bit hazy I was interested in them because everyone else was looking and the nurse mistook my interest for concern and spent ages being like "I'm sure it's really nothing to be worried about" It hadn't occurred to me until she said it that it might be any cause for concern.

I spend more or less all afternoon watching snippets of things on netflix, eating ice cream and then sleeping on my duvet on the living room floor. I don't know what we watched. I couldn't tell you what we talked out. it was a very weird way to spend the afternoon.
I have been well looked after, and I suspect I was probably a bit of a pain in the bum.

It's pretty weird as an adult having to ask someone to come and get you from the hospital. It's that dawning realisation that we are- to other people at least- all now responsible adults.

Hypothyroidism

I've been frustrated lately by my experiences at the hospital (see last months very self pitying rant) and by my bodies recent refusal to
a) lose weight- or just stop gaining it!
b) Stop being tired

I stayed at a friends recently and they were joked that spending time with me was a bit like spending time with a junkie- Half asleep all the time and not totally in the moment. It's true but it smarted a bit to be told.
It's an issue lots of people experience who take levothyroxine- it balances your T4 levels but not your T3, which is just left to do as it pleases.

I know a few people who also have Thyroid conditions, including family members (This tends to be genetic) and they say similar things- I was sent a link to this blog yesterday by one of them.
Usually I ignore links on the net- and I don't agree with her recommendation to use "natural remedies" to normalise thyroid hormones (For a start, it's a bit unethical to use ground up pig thyroids, for a second, it's not going to give you a similar dosage every time- all living things are subject to hormone level variations!) however, it's good to see that my experiences aren't me going mad.

For me the worst symptoms have always been the insomnia, fatigue and weight gain (it's just so rapid!) but I know I'm luck that I don't experience the skin pigmentation issues or dermatological issues other women often have, I'm lucky my hair isn't falling out (One of my friends experiences this and it upsets her greatly), bone density issues and I'm really lucky that Traff and I are in no rush to start a family- This will affect fertility and make it more difficult for us to have children. I always feel extremely sorry for people on support sites who are desperate for a baby but just cannot conceive (There seems to be a link between hypothyroidism and preeclampsia so it's not just getting pregnant but everything after that too!) I also know that I'm lucky not to have experienced many of the mental health issues associated with this- Largely because of the support of my partner, friends and family when things have been tough and because of a speedy diagnosis if not speedy medication to replace the hormones.
This must be especially tough on people who are not given a diagnosis or do not have a good support network for friends and family.

I can really relate to the feelings of fragility and hating the lack of control- I don't think they're traits that can be easily associated with me!

http://hypothyroidmom.com/how-thyroid-disease-has-completely-changed-my-life/
 I would like to talk about how thyroid disease has completely changed my life, sometimes for the worse, but others definitely for the better. Why, you may ask? Considering this disease has at times brought me to my knees, it seems hardly unlikely that there have been any plus sides; I’ll try explaining best as I can.

You will all be aware of the havoc thyroid disease inflicts upon our bodies, and my story will have little difference to that of your own. Like many of you, this began as a teenage complaint, and I had little knowledge of what was actually going on with my body. For example, I had no clue that my chronic sun allergy was of any further medical significance than a condition in its own right.

Another ‘big deal’ problem for all of us is that of body weight. When you are simply not responsible for the amount of fat your body chooses to adorn your bones with, and no matter how many fad diets you allow to become the next strict eating regime following the failure of generally healthy eating plans, you soon become all too aware that you actually have zero control over what is taking place within your body.

This is a hard concept to grasp for anyone, no matter what age we are when this blight descends; the harsh fact is we have little control over the outcomes and unique experiences this disease will create for us. I am not saying for one minute that we as sufferers will never regain our health, I am simply trying to illustrate the fact that we will at times have very little control over what transpires, and at times such as these, we begin to realise how frail and vulnerable we actually are. In my opinion, this has to be one of the most negative aspects of this cruel condition.

Problem is, we have grown up within a culture whereupon if we should suffer with any simple ailment, we can walk a few steps to the medicine cabinet and usually find a simple remedy. If our ailment is a little more complex, we can visit our family doctor who will scribble the magic remedy on his writing pad and thus provide a suitable cure. Most of our lives have been shaped with the idea that our doctor, or at worse times still our hospitals can usually fix us. Until the loud knock of thyroid disease descends and raps boldly at the door.

I imagine we are all very similar in terms of our experiences of thyroid disease; beginning to feel ill on a low level with little things starting to go wrong. Perhaps our skin is beginning to dry out, or we are starting to feel chilly on the warmest of days. Maybe we have begun to suffer with the embarrassing problem of constipation, or started to endure regular onslaughts of infections upon the body whilst our body weight steadily rises.

To begin, we rely on our previous knowledge and start to look for remedies; antibiotics from the doctor, laxatives from the chemist, emollient lotions from the store, wearing warmer clothes etc etc, but then the signs and symptoms hike up a notch.

We often begin to feel exhausted and find that previous day to day activities are now proving somewhat difficult if not impossible. We try caffeine products for energy and many kinds of diets after we discover the usual reduced calorie and exercise plans fail to work, but nothing changes. In fact weight remains on the increase whilst at the same time feelings of fatigue accelerate.

Perhaps if you are female (and thyroid disease sufferers generally are) you will also be suffering from excessively heavy menstrual periods and this has now become the cause for frequent trips to your trusted doctor. Tests are undertaken and you probably end up donating armfuls of your liquid red stuff as a means to detect the cause.

As you sit in the chair at your following appointment, dressed for the harshest of winters on a mid-July summer’s day, you soon become alarmingly aware that the ‘professional’ on the other side of the desk appears to have the littlest of clues as to what is actually happening to you. No matter how you describe and discuss your lorry load of problems which are in fact beyond your control, the man in the coat smiles in an often patronising manner and goes on to tell you that you are in fact fine, or more appropriately perfectly normal!

Nothing can prepare you for the feeling of utter despair that ensues following the non-diagnosis of a condition that is beginning to take over your life in a devastating manner. Worse still is the emotion that takes place when the doctor goes on to offer you a prescription for anti-depressant medication because he now believes that all of these struggles are in fact in your head. He will also sometimes offer the number of a dietician to further reinforce the notion that this is largely of your own doing whilst you raise from your chair in utter disbelief.

And for me, this was the worst part about the disease itself; although hypothyroidism was a killer to manage, the fact that my trusted doctor would do absolutely nothing to help me proved an awful lot to get my head around.

And this is where the feelings of vulnerability begin to creep in; It’s a scary notion trying to accept that a doctor does not have the wherewithal or knowledge to make you well again. I mean who on earth do you turn to to make this all stop? How on earth can you stand up and fight whilst your energy levels are dwindling rapidly somewhere around the very floor you stand on? Well my friends, there is often and unfortunately no one but YOU to get YOU out of this mess! Or so it feels at the time.

So you begin to research; you read and read and read each and everything you find that discusses a similar pattern of symptoms to those of your own. Each and every time, the search bar leads you to pages discussing hypothyroidism. So you begin to focus your studies on this particular disease and find that the stats read like your own life history. Can it really be that simple? And if so, how could your doctor have missed it?

But then you read a little further and discover there is one blood test being used by most mainstream doctors which is in fact often useless in detecting this disease, and thus if you don’t tick the box at the lab, you are highly unlikely to be gifted with a diagnosis or any treatment whatsoever.

This was my life, and I can tell you it was a scary knowledge. So at this point I figured that I had two options, I could stay ill and vulnerable and simply accept this to be my future path, and believe me, the fatigue I suffered with back then made this option all the more alluring, or I could learn how to make myself well again.

The latter was my choice; at 39 years of age I decided that enough was enough, and that I would have to be my own best advocate.

Websites such as Hypothyroid Mom, and online support forums came to the fore, and soon became my lifeline. I was directed to a more knowledgeable doctor in the UK and I learned about asking for all of my previous blood test results as a means to baseline my health.

I then discovered which vitamins and minerals were lacking from my body and thus began to repair from the bottom up. At this point I began natural thyroid medication and slowly but surely began to regain my health. This was not a simple process, but definitely a liberating one!

I then became more vocal about all that I had learned, realising that so many others were in fact in the same position as me. All I wanted to do therein was create awareness in my own way. I began with the sharing of information provided again by sites such as Hypothyroid Mom, and then I began creating little info bites of my own via typical e-card sites.

The culmination being the attempt at my own story!

Thyroid disease has created mammoth struggles for me, and at times I still slip back into poor health and thus have to work again at trying to put things right. I am reminded of my own fragility at times like these, however, I am now attacking this problem from a completely different perspective; the fact that I am in charge of my own health is an entirely empowering notion. I listen to my body and act accordingly. I have definitely gained strength from taking control, even though I feel that I shouldn’t have had to!

For this reason I will always remain an advocate for thyroid disease, sharing and creating information with others which will hopefully bring about the necessary changes in order to gain us all the help we so richly deserve. It’s a cliché I know, but we must never give up. We have a voice, and we must use it; I have always believed in strength in numbers, and in turn experiencing empowerment when you become your own best advocate!

How to cook vegetables

OK Kirstie, you can stop laughing any time... I'm an awful cook. I can manage toast. or bacon sandwiches.
Actually, thats selling myself short, if someone who was really special to me came for dinner, and we had all the ingredients I could make them a lasagne (With proper béchamel sauce), Turkish Pancakes, Enchiladas,Chicken Satay Skewers, couscous salad, risotto or roasted vegetables, but it would really take me all day- If I've ever cooked you dinner or attempted to I must really love you!
I also do a mean roasted ham, but you'll have to give me 2 days notice!
That said, my pineapple upside down cake is a legend for all the right reason, as are my fruit pies (Karl's mum requests them now! and my parents love my vodkas).
If you want anything more complicated you'll have to take over and do it yourself (in the "complicated" category falls anything I don't eat- Rice, eggs, spaghetti, sausages, oven chips, pancakes- unless they're gluten free- which for some reason always come out lovely, cupcakes, cookies- mine are always the size of the fucking tray- etc etc).

I always wish I was a good cook, but I lack the time and inclination to practice (Traff worked out that usually I work a 60 hr week, and he does nights 3/4 days a week every other week, so we're usually cooking for one!) Add to that my current stomach chaos and his crazy vegetarianism and it's just easier to warm up a can of soup!
All my friends are wonderful cooks (Even you Jay with your magic oven and breaded dinosaurs) which means I should really up my game. I can't be almost 30 and have to be rescued from a kitchen full of smoke by my long suffering other half every time I try and heat a pizza! especially not now we have a smoke alarm as it means all the flats in the block get evacuated....

So, my aim for the summer will be to do more cooking- I'm already on a lasagne promise with lentils rather than mince- I could probably fit in a more challenging meal!
It would be nice to be able to have guests and not have them tell me "not to bother" about cooking for them because I'm too hopeless!

Suggestions please!

Hospital

This is me having a whinge about my day- I'll probably be really ashamed of myself later and take it down.

Today, as you may have gathered from the title of my post, I had a hospital appointment- this isn't anything new, I've posted about IBS and other stomach stuff before.
Normally the hospital is really helpful, they give good advice and they get me patched up and out of there.

I was referred last time because I had some blood tests by my doctor as a result of my whinging that my stomach hurts and I feel sick most of the time. tests done, and they showed my blood amylase levels were high. so I went, had more tests, had an ultrasound and they seemed confident it was all fixable.

I went back today for the results and was just expecting it to be "take these, case closed, go back to your life!"
But no, Today we established that the Amylase is a result of my kidney function being rubbish. So not one for Gastro to fix. They don't know why my stomach hurts, but they seem to think that rather than it being a "stomach" thing it is probably a "Thyroid" thing (I have an underactive thyroid- that was what damaged my digestive system in the first place and has lead to my IBS like symptoms, your Thyroid controls all the reactions in your body, including metabolic rate- Incase you ever wondered why I just fall asleep at like 7:30, I'm not narcoleptic, I'm just exhausted all the time).

So,  In order to pass me off to another department (Endocrinology) As if I was a bag of potatoes or some other object without any feelings they have to rule out ALL possible stomach and gastric complaints. Therefore, next month I will have an operation to take tissue samples from the upper gut and an MRI to check to lumps bumps etc that shouldn't be there.
I will also have to get my adrenal glands checked, because they may not be working anymore.
Brilliant.

And whilst they're sorting themselves out they suggest that I take amitryptoline, which is an antidepressant. Not because I'm depressed (Although, as I get told all the time.. "Many people which chronic illnesses are depressed and struggle to accept their symptoms, this affects their enjoyment of life") but because one of the side effects of it is that you don't register pain in the same way you would do normally- so the idea is that I won't notice that my stomach hurts and I feel like I'm going to hurl 24/7.
It's also a sedative. So I guess if I go for this genius plan I can reduce my bedtime to 6:30?

I give up. Lets give me fucked kidneys something else to process shall we? that'll really help.

Another side effect of these tablets is weight gain. Anyone who has an under active thyroid will tell you that weight gain is truly the bane of their lives.
I would rather feel like shit and be in pain 24/7 than gain any more weight. Part of this is paranoia caused by a lack of objective thinking- whenever I go to the hospital I am weighed (incase I need a procedure requiring anaesthetic) as part of this process they tell you your BMI and which category you fall into. A healthy weight for me is 11.3, Currently I am 10lbs overweight so in line with NHS policy, I have to be told that I am overweight and will die horribly unless I immediately stope eating anything ever again.
I know they have to say it, but it doesn't hurt any less every time.
 My Metabolism is super slow. I really have to work to lose weight, and to keep it off is just a losing battle, because as fast as I'm cutting calories and carbs and trying to eat low fat/low sugar/low fun and exercise until I die of exhaustion, my antibodies are destroying my thyroid more.
It won't matter how hard I work because I can't win.
I'm still trying though! As with arguments even when I know I've lost I feel like I have to have my 10 cents worth.

And I'm tired. not just like, "oh, it's bedtime and I guess I'm sleepy" tired I mean like when you spend a whole day out on your feet walking about, and you get home and sit down for the first time all day and feel like you'll never move off the sofa.
I feel like that when I get out of bed.

Yes, I know I'm whinging, and yes, I know I'm lucky. this isn't life threatening or horrible or obvious to other people. Lots of people are far worse off than I am.
It's just frustrating.

I know that getting a diagnosis takes a long time, because it has to be right. I understand that it's important we explore all the options and find the real cause of symptoms, not just cover them up. I'm grateful that the hospital are thorough.
But to get this far has taken up 6 years of my life.

One thing which would really help speed this process up would be some joined up thinking from the hospital consaultants and my GP- That would be really helpful- Don't tell me to change my diet to eat things I can't ("Have you tried eating tofu?" NO because it inhibits my thyroid tablets! read my medical records dumbass!"Have you tried a paleo diet?" no, because I'd like to leave my house, If I just eat protein my stomach will do disgusting things) Don't neglect to read all the diagnosis history- maybe theres a reason I'm not running marathons  ("You should take more aerobioc exercise, why not try running?" Because I'm exhausted, and I didn't run anywhere yet- read the memo!)

Read the information on whatever you're trying to prescribe me and check that I can:
a) actually take it with all my other tablets
b) that it won't make me sicker/ fatter.
c) Still do all the things I currently do


And, give me some actually useful advice. I appreciate that people are busy. Doctors are busy dealing with people who are sick. So give me something useful I can do and tell me, on a personal level what I can do.
Generic advice isn't useful.
Having no idea about your patient isn't helpful either.

So, it's pretty safe to say I'm in an awful mood today- More of my life being taken up with medical appointments- and I have to go to the doctors later as we need to discuss sedative options for the procedure next month- I suffer from seizures, you have to be 4 years "fit free" to drive. I currently hold a full driving licence. If the hospital fucks this up I'll have a lovely car shaped ornament in my parking space.
Add to that that the consultant didn't read my notes properly and didn't realise that I only have one fully working lung, I bet they call me back to do an ECG and lung capacity test before they can do this. Less haste more speed please!

It's always interesting. I guess because I look "normal" and I lead a perfectly "normal" life and hold down a professional job people never think to actually read my notes. They assume that I will be "normal".
I forget that these aren't things everyone has- I usually end up mentioning them as an after though "By the way, you did know about.." and then we have to go and have a private chat.
Almost every time they're like "And you're registered disabled right?"
Uh, no.
I am not disabled at all. just a bit mashed.

What to do when your stomach plays unfair/ How to do elimination & reintroduction and list of foods which cause common reactions

Righty, I try and keep my blog space a happy place- and to write about the things which make me happy and my adventures.
Recently several of my friends have been diagnosed with IBS/stomach problems, and having had issues when we have been out together, have been embarrassed to mention the issue or forced by circumstances- at which point they're usually relieved to find that I can completely empathise, and surprised.
I have posted here in the past about hospitals and medical appointments and weight gain associated with my thyroid, but not so much stomach stuff (Everyone needs to have a vent sometimes).

I'm not a doctor and I don't have any medial training- I can only pass on advice that friends and colleagues have given me, and reproduce the information I've been given by my doctor and dietician. Hopefully, if you're searching for help you find something helpful here.
I know what frustrated me the most when I first became ill was the lack of help or advice. I remember feeling very frustrated and alone- Stomach issues seem to be very taboo, despite the fact that 1/25 women in the UK suffers a thyroid issues and associated IBS/allergy/coeliac/ Crones something like 1/5 is diagnosed with PCOS- and again the associated stomach issues not to mention people who have mild reactions, intolerances, full blown allergies etc
This problem is exacerbated as often you'll be bounced around loads of people before a diagnosis is made- often it's assumed you've been given advice by one party so another doesn't divulge it- For example, 2 weeks ago I was finally given a list of foods considered to be "safe" or "issue" for people suffering coeliacs- I've been working with the dietician for 12 months. She assumed I'd already received this particular booklet and guidance and I spent 12 extra months in pain and poorly thinking I was doing the right thing.

I've spent the last 7 years searching the internet for help and on the whole have found it difficult to find useful advice- Some stuff is totally crackpot, and some companies really prey on people who are desperate to get their lives back- The NHS website is useful as it lists the symptoms associated with illnesses- so you at least know that you're not going mad, but in terms of managing them it's not all so great.
I've been lucky since we moved to the South East- My GP couldn't be more helpful, and I have had access to gut specialists and to a dietician in the last 2 years, however, the damage from the previous 5 under case of NHS wales is well and truly done. I would advise anyone who's searching the stuff on the net- If you haven't already seen your GP then do, if you have and they're fobbing you off get a second opionion. Be persistant. You know what "normal" feels like for you, if you're not feeling it get it sorted!

Right, The starting point for all of this- Whether it's a diagnosis you're after, you're pushing to see the dietician or a specialist or you're trying to find the issue foods you need to keep a food diary- it's the first thing consultants and dieticians ask for, and if it's not right you just get sent away to record the correct information over a period of time- thus elongating the time before you can receive help!

Your food diary should include:
1) All the foods you eat and the times you ate them- Don't be ashamed it's better to be honest here- I have had to admit to eating a whole box of magnums on a bad day but the dietician at this point isn't there to judge your choices, this is to find the problem foods.
2)Any reactions- e.g sickness, headaches, upset stomach, bloating, mouth ulcers/soreness and tiredness- it's not your job to associate them, jut record them and the times you noticed them.
3) Bowel movements- because you'll be asked in depth about when you "passed" and what it's consistency was- perhaps familiarise yourself with "The bristol stool chart".
4) How many drinks you have had- and if they aren't water, what they were- you're expected to drink 6 normal glasses of liquid per day- I try and drink a pint of water before each meal and one before bed as that works for me and ensures I drink enough, but you'll need to find what's right for you.
I tally my drinks on my food diary so then if I get a headache but can see I only had 2 drinks, that might be the reason- not whatever I ate.

You'll need to do this for a few months, then highlight any patterns- e.g whenever you ate something with pineapple you experienced a sore mouth/ whenever you ate full fat dairy products you experienced a stomach upset.
At this point you're just information gathering- you don't change anything and try and eat a range of foods you usually eat.

"Safe" foods.
These foods are considered to cause the fewest irritations to the gut- This information is from my NHS dietician and aimed at those with coeliacs/ crones- if you know one of these foods is a problem (For me, no broccoli, pineapple or rice! It will cause much regret!) obviously, don't eat it:
Fresh/frozen lamb without a sauce or coating
fresh/frozen turkey without a sauce or coating
Cooked carrot
Cooked celery
courgette
Parsnip
Sweet potato
Squash
Pumpkin
Broccoli
Brussel sprouts
Cabbage
Cauliflower
Peaches
Banana
Rhubarb
Pineapple
berries
Any kind of rice
Rice flour
plain rice cakes
tapioca
Rice noodles
Olive oil/Sunflower oil
Spreads from Olive oil or sunflower spread (Step away from the butter)
fresh herbs
Salt/pepper/sugar
Golden syrup

Preferred drinks are non caffeinated and not fizzy so rice milk based milkshakes, fresh fruit juice and water.

The Elimination diet
Ok- the next step is to devise a balanced diet from the foods on the safe list- aim to eat at your usual times and the same amounts of foods.
make sure your food diary is just as detailed as before- you'll need to follow this new "safe food" diet for 2-3 weeks. Record any symptoms.
At this point, you shouldn't have any symptoms- this diet needs to keep your stomach happy- if it's not right, identify the issue food and swap it for something else (Make sure you record this!) don't move onto the reintroduction until this stage is sorted.

For me, for example, I've had blood tests for Coeliacs, lactose intolerance, wheat intolerance and gluten intolerance (You can request these from your GP- especially if you're already in discussions about food issues you can even use the food diary to push for them if it looks like one of those food types is an issue)
So my elimination diet is really carb heavy, lots of rice cakes and toast and nutri-milk to make up the meals- but this is a short term fix for a long term problem- make sure you keep a record of your elimination diet once you've got it so that you're not suffering any symptoms- this is your go-to diet now for when your stomach is poorly as you know you're giving it a break.


Re-introduction
you can only do this once you've got a problem free stomach- if you're still getting reactions go back to the elimination, the blood tests and GP until that is sorted, otherwise you'll just make yourself horribly unwell.

Sadly, this is the long and boring bit- it's all trial and error and it's frustrating.
You add one portion of tone food to the basic elimination diet plan for 3 days together. and see if there is a reaction.
So, for me I have my nutri milk in the morning, then rice cakes, then a jam sandwich, then porridge in the evening, and then a portion of onions- to test if onions cause a reaction.
And I do that for 3 days in a row.
Then pick a new food.
And I continue to record everything in my food diary as before.
Obviously, exclude anything that you already know to be a problem- e.g, I will not be re-introducing garlic unless I want to spend a week with a migraine- I've already added it to my list of no-go foods. Certainly don't re-introduce any foods which blood tests show an allergy to.

Once you know a food is fine, you can start to re-introcuce them to your normal diet- it might be worth getting a list of "fine" foods and re-writing your diet plan accordingly- otherwise you get some really odd food combinations.
Only add things in that you are sure are fine- if you're unsure, wait and test them again- it's worth doing this properly so that you only have to do this once!

Problem foods- these are the foods most people have issues with- that doesn't mean everyone does there will be things on here which are fine- and some which really aren't!
tap water
potatoes
cows milk
eggs
yeast
pasta
Weetabix
soya milk (plain)
Walnuts
Peanuts
Onions
Beef- no sauce or coating
Tea
Coffee
Chocolate- Dark chocolate
Chocolate- Milk/White- especially if cows milk seems to be an issue
Cheese
Plain yoghurt
Cornflakes
Pork- no sauce or coating
Porridge
Bacon/Ham
Tomatoes
Rye bread
Peas
Beans- no sauce
Chicken- no Sauce or Coating
White fish- No sauce or coating
Oily fish- No sauce or Coating
Barley
Vinegar
Citrus fruits
Apples
Pears
Melon
Dried fruits
Spirits/beer
Quorn

Some foods are difficult to obtain- if you want to test them but can't find them in tesco try
www.goodnessdirect.com
www.dietaryneeds.co.uk

Right, at the end of testing all these foods you should now have 2 lists- one of things you should never eat ever again unless you want to spend a very long time in the loo, and things which are fine.
Using the list of things which are fine, devise a diet plan.
Make sure you're referring to your eat well plate and have all your food groups in there! If you're struggling or your list is very limited- or even just to check what you've done is right- make an appointment with your practice nurse to check it for you.
Make sure you take your food lists and food diary with you so that you can answer any questions.
They may also be able to give you helpful advice, as they tend to have more experience with dietary needs than GPs- and often are more understanding.

Congratulations! You can now live your life poorly-free!

What do to at restaurants/eating out:
OK, essentially you have 2 choices here- choice 1 is horribly irresponsible; "Secretary, clear my schedule tomorrow I will be unavailable" is my current standard- it means eat what you like but be prepared for the consequences- sometimes this us unavoidable- I often find at events or weddings where the menu is set or limited you're sort of stuck at go for it or go hungry.
The second choice is this: Every chain restaurant by law now has to show it's calories per dish on their website- on this "nutritional menu" they often show their ingredients too- so try and get that on your phone or computer before heading out.
If it's spur of the moment just ask- tell the server you're "allergic" to the food you're avoiding- and they'll usually be pretty forthcoming with a new menu or suggestions from the kitchen.
I know you shouldn't lie about the severity of an illness- but for some reason if you say you "react" or are "intolerant" to something, people often just assume you're picky and aren't careful to avoid that food type in your meal- an allergy conjures up images of culpability and law suits. Tell that white lie, I won't judge you.

Other helpful tips:

• get a good multivitamin- if you have an upset stomach or are avoiding food groups you're going to be deficient in almost everything. Get a multivitamin with Iron. and B vitamins. I get mine from holland and barret for £6 per tub and they last me a month. Read the label carefully- some binding ingredients might cause reactions- if in doubt get your GP or practice nurse to recommend something.
• Contraceptives- this one isn't applicable for the gents- As above, if you're ill all the time your pill isn't effective- the last thing you want is to be preggers and dealing with everything else too- you can ask for contraceptive patches which are the same hormones as the pill- or ask about other methods of contraception- the other advantages will be that your periods will be regular which is one less cause of stress etc.
• Skin/hair- I often found that my skin was bad and my hair thinned before I got on top of my food reactions- looking ill made me feel worse- I control my skin reactions with my contraceptive, and there are shampoos available to help prevent hair loss- speak to your GP/ Pharmacist- increasing your iron intake also works wonders for both!
• New hair in odd places- This is more a Thyroid/ PCOS issue but it's still horrible and the last thing you need when dealing with everything else- Speak to your GP as Laser hair removal is free on the NHS if you have a diagnosis for either of the above, but you will need to ask! Waxing is also really effective, and private clinics do laser hair removal as a cosmetic procedure if you don't want to ask your GP.
• Don't be too hard on yourself- you'll get things wrong sometimes, fall off the wagon, drink a pina colada or whatever your food equivalent is- Don't worry, this gets easier- you'll quickly learn which things are OK and what's not. Talk to people and don't be afraid to cancel plans if you're not well or can't face it (I tend to cancel on people if the plan to eat italian food- sooo many potential pit falls!). no-one looks hot or feels sexy if they're bloated or sick, and sometimes you'll feel like the world is against you. Ask your GP for help- or the nurse- Some months I have to see my GP every week and I'm not ashamed to admit it- This is a massive lifestyle overhaul and it'll be hard to get used to to start with. Be honest with people- you'd be surprised how supportive they can be and maybe by how many people are going through the same thing.
• immodium put it in your handbag. it will be your best friend when you get stuck on a train with no loo and a dodgy belly- or have to take a flight, or make a presentation- it stops your stomach misbehaving in 30 minutes. it can't help the cramps or bloating- but it will stop you being an olympic competitor for the 100m dash in the middle of an important works lunch.

Avoid like the plague:

• Food testing companies. Companies which offer to do a blood test and then tell you what you're allergic to- if it was that easy, your GP would tell you to do it. They probably work well if you're otherwise healthy but get bloated occasionally. if you have a diagnosable condition- especially an autoimmune condition- they will just show up all kinds of false readings. Allergy UK recommends against them, as does the NHS and the dietetic society. It'll be a waste of £300. 
• raw food/juicing/cleansing/detox etc almost all of those are designed to give people the runs- do you want to spend even more time on the loo?! Whatever "June in accounts" says, just smile, nod and ignore- you have a medical condition, it can't be cured by buying a blender.
• most other people You deal with other peoples "brilliant" advice in the same way you deal with "June from accounts". You know what makes you feel OK and what makes you feel ill. your body is different from everyone else's- thats why this stuff is such a pain to diagnose.

Really helpful websites and people:

• Allergy UK.  If you email them, they can put you in touch with one of their dieticians- so they can give very specific advice and they're so kind and understanding. Use them to help support your demands on your GP too- they can advise you of what to ask for as they're NHS dieticians- normally based at the JR in Oxford         http://www.allergyuk.org/
• Step by step They're a telephone counselling service, but they give advice on anxiety and stress-which make things like IBS 1000000 times worse! they're really understanding and will send you leaflets and helpful advice as well as listen whilst you offload- better to whinge at them than your partner!         http://horizonhealth.co.uk/stepbystep.php

I'd be really happy to hear if theres anything I've missed- I hope this stuff is helpful!