Poxy proxy servers and Apple "care".

Today has been enlightening and enraging in equal measure:

I was on Buzzfeed this morning, just mooching, scrolling through images of cats and images taken from twitter showing peoples rage at interflora and marvelling that anyone would spend £70 on flowers.. and then.. Nothing.
Nada.
Just the beige "no internet" screen with a message about how my computer couldn't connect to the internet using Proxy servers and to speak to the system administrator.

I tried the usual stuff.
First I tried re-connecting to the internet, Then restarting the router, Then the computer. Then repeated. Then I tried to co-erce the computer. Then threatened it. Then pleaded with it. Then sulked.
Then Traff repeated these actions whilst I looked exasperated.

Then I called the Apple store in Milton Keynes.
They put me through to Apple care.

In fairness I've never needed any Apple assistance before- all my computers have worked perfectly until I've blown them up by using the wrong power supply.
Which I can definitely categorise as "user error".
My Ipod got stolen when our house got burgled in Splott, but until that point worked beautifully. So again, That can hardly be Apple's fault.
I didn't have any trepidation in calling apple, I assumed that their after care would be as efficient as their computer products.

My call was answered after about 3 minutes- which was speedy- and seemed to be a call centre based in Europe- The call handler was very professional and helpful, until I gave him the serial number of my computer.
"This computer was new in 2008- your Applecare contract expired in 2011- you'll need to pay £35 to continue this call- or perhaps you'd like to consider a newer product?"
I told him I wasn't going to pay him, he told me to download a new operating system and see if that fixed the problem.

So, I connected the computer to the router with the ethernet cable,  found the operating system- Mavericks- And downloaded it (I did not install it).
This is where my day became enlightening- Downloading the latest OS upgrade gives you 90 days free applecare.

My second call the apple care was even less helpful than my first. The call handler told me to turn my computer off, and then on again. When I told him I'd done that he told me to do it again. and hung up on me.

So, I called again.

My third call was much more successful, as I was now entitled to my apple care I got the works in terms of assistance.
The guy talked me through setting up loads of stuff I'll never use again- but I still couldn't get on the internet using my wireless.
In the end (After about 40 minutes of premium rate phone call) he put me through to his boss.

He told me not to install the new OS as my computer is too old and I'd lose all my versions of Microsoft word etc, but instead asked me to read him the proxy server settings.
I used to use this computer at work- which is a secure server- so I had loads of crazy settings on my internet which for some reason had suddenly become a problem Today (I'd love to know why, but not for £1.80 a minute or whatever the standard 0845 call costs now). He talked me through changing them back to the standard settings and Voila.
6 and a half hour after the initial issue all it took was 4 seconds to fix (And probably about £20 in call fees).

Obviously I'm grateful for the help and assistance provided to me, but equally I'm frustrated that the first guy I spoke to couldn't have spent 4 seconds to tell me what the standard proxy settings should be for the internet, instead of spending 10 minutes demanding money and trying to sell me a new computer!

So, Lesson of the day:
Download the latest OS.
Get 90 days free applecare.
But don't expect that to stop people hanging up on you. O_o

(You need to download the OS using your apple ID- if you don't have one set one up to download it- although if you have an I tunes account it's usually the same thing- because when you call up they ask for your ID so can see your download history)