The transient nature of life and the meaning of my beloved junk. Otherwise entitled "why I should have just got up, rather than being lazy".

OK, Today I decided I was going to have a lie in- at whatever cost!
I re-arranged my adventures to give me some extra sleeping time- and STILL work up at 7 (yeah, ok, so that is a 30 minute lie in on normal, but it wasn't the 9am I was hoping for).

I stayed in bed, until about 7:30. wide awake out of determination to force myself to go back to sleep. it was futile so I thought I'd mooch and watch some crappy TV.
Nothing on.
I channel hopped for about 20 minutes before giving up and going back to lie in bed.

This was my mistake: Being awake and not doing anything with it.

So, I'm laying in bed, looking at my dressing table, and it suddenly dawns on me 

"When I die, all these things which I have carefully collected and loved because I have an emotional attachment to them, or because I think that they are beautiful will most probably just be thrown away. they hold no value in money, and they only have worth because of their attachment to my memories".

Then I got to thinking about how many of those items have come from other people- like the figurines from my mum, or my ceramic pots for my make up- which were made by the children at my last school,  or my Jewellery box- which was my mothers from the 70s, or my cake stand I use for my necklaces which my sister picked out for me last christmas..
Then I realised that many items I own I keep because the they come from people who I want to remember and are no-longer here- My dressing table, in fact, is one such reminder- not to mention the china dinner services and jewellery and my grandfathers metal teapot from when he went to Turkey. 

I started to think about objects, and how we like to keep objects to remind us of people, so that we know that we won't forget them- and maybe so that they feel like we haven't forgotten them.
Or even sometimes to feel closer to people living or not through the use of the objects that they give us.

I continued in the vein- I won't depress anyone further with more detail- for some time.

Then I decided I may as well get up and make some use of myself before going out.- I should perhaps point out here that I'm good- it was just something that suddenly occurred to me and was difficult to shake until I'd thought it through- and it wasn't like I was short of thinking time.

This is a bit like when Traff is suddenly overwhelmed by his own mortality. Except since he's not here to tell me about it, I'm getting my fix another way.

So, I went to make breakfast (tortilla with honey- from Kirstie, on plates my dad obtained for us when we moved from cardiff to here- using the knives my Nanna gave me- the silver plates ones.. which are disgustingly tarnished- someone please remind me to buy some silver polish before she comes to stay in may or I'll probably get my ears boxed for appearing hideously ungrateful- and rightly so!)

by the end of my tea (In the mug Amanda gave me for moving away..) I'd almost gotten out of the habit of analysing every single object I own.

I realised I was ready to go out earlier than I needed to be and decided to sort out my old email inbox- and forward anything useful to my new email account.
Given my odd mood, this may have been a bit of a mistake.

Mostly I had just junk emails (2234 of them, if you wanted me to be exact- in my inbox.) so I deleted all that rubbish and whatever was lurking in the junk box.
Then I turned my attention to emails I had saved- I've had this email address since the start of secondary school- and whilst I've had the occasional purge of rubbish, I'll be honest- tidying up- digital or otherwise was never my strong point.

It all started off quite well- I forwarded all my passwords and articles and bits of coursework and peoples addresses and was feeling pretty productive.

I then found an email from my old college lecturer which stopped me with a rather sudden realisation- the email was subject headed "pete trax" but where the email had been replied to the attachments were not there anymore.
I had clearly not thought to save the original.
I lost all my recording work from college and uni when my old computer fried. and I'd been a bit gutted about it, but I had assumed that these tracks were backed up.
That will be my hard lesson to learn.
Perhaps I will email my lecturer and see if he has them saved somewhere- although I won't hold my breath.

I did also find some cute photos and some articles people had sent me- and a load of those chain mail type emails where you fill in a survey about someone and then they fill one in about you!
I won't embarrass anyone by posting them online.

So, I guess in conclusion, Today I am in a weird mood.
I'm off out for lunch with Michelle in a bit, in the rain- and the crafting so I'll post my creations here tomorrow or something. 

Perhaps when I get home I'll stop emotionally analysing my furniture.